This post has been hard for me to write. I’ve had so many questions about what it was like planning a wedding during COVID-19. Honestly, I have a million things to say about it but every time I go to start writing I just stare at the screen.
Finally, I decided to just go for it. So this post might be a little long and wordy compared to our normal posts. It also is not going to be as happy and cheerful. This post is just sheer honesty and I hope it answers any questions you might have! I also hope it finds another bride who went through similar experiences and message me so that we can bond!
I’ve decided the best way to go about this is throughout a timeline. I’ve sort of broken up this post into months! The progression of this pandemic was wild so I hope this gives you clear idea of where we were at mentally while making decisions about the wedding.
May 2018
We FINALLY got engaged!! Tyrell and I had been dating since high school so almost 7 years at this point two years ago. We were so thrilled to take that next step. Our original plan was to get married summer of 2019 but due to finances and other things that didn’t happen.
In retrospect our lives would be drastically different had we gotten married a year sooner but who could have known?!?! My family is Greek so our wedding was originally going to be a big fat Greek wedding with somewhere between 400 – 500 people there! One reason we pushed off planning for so long is because that is a big party to plan lol.
Another big reason we didn’t get married in 2019 is because we were working extra hard to save up money to take one year after our wedding to backpack Europe! (Remember when international travel was a thing? LOL)
August 2019 – February 2020
My family had spent the summer in Greece. They returned home middle of August 2019 and we all jumped into wedding planning mode. We started reserving venues and vendors right away because it was less than a year away and people were booking up fast!
My cousins got married September of 2019 and seeing their wedding at the church definitely helped me make a lot of decisions about my own wedding. After that it was go time! For the next few months we were buying things, making decorations, trying food, and making plans every day it seemed! Our wedding was nearly entirely planned by February minus the food.
March 2020
March is my birth month so it has always been a favorite time of year for me. This year it was to be extra special because we had so much to celebrate! My birthday is March 3rd and my friends and I went out to dinner and then the bars and danced the night away! Honestly that was the last weekend of my life that felt normal. I was SO excited for everything turning 26 would bring me.
On March 17 the first stay at home order was initiated in the US. It was insane to me at the time that this was the world we were living in. My bachelorette party was planned for March 19 – 23 in Nashville, TN. All of my best friends were flying there and since we all live in different states it was going to be so fun to get everyone together!
From the day the first stay at home order was issued until the day that we officially went into quarantine it seemed like things were changing by the minute. I, being the stubborn person that I am, still went ahead with my bachelorette trip even though travel wasn’t advised. The week before we left 3 of my friends decided not to attend. After that it was just me and 2 other girls. The 3 of us still went and we honestly had a blast! Still though, it was crazy to experience Nashville in that state.
The day we arrived the mayor announced that bars and restaurants must shut down in Davidson County. There were literally restaurants that were open when our plane landed and by the time we got to our Airbnb they were closed down. We saw this happen with all sorts of businesses over the weekend but we continued to make the best of our trip. By the time we flew home on March 23 majority of states were on lockdown and I’m just glad we all made it back to our homes since we were coming from Utah, Idaho, and Oregon.
During that same time my fiancé was having his bachelor party in Spokane, WA. His bachelor party was supposed to be him and all his buddies going to a March Madness basketball game. Could the timing have been any worse?! Even though sports were canceled they decided to still meet up and get together anyways. A couple of his friends ended up bailing on the trip just like mine and one of the ones that went ended up kind of ruining it for him because he made it all about him (not Tyrell, the bachelor!) and threw a fit because he was so disappointed that bars were closed. We both definitely learned a valuable lesson in finding friends that can make the best out of any situation.
After that experience I was sort of disheartened about wedding planning. My closest friends had missed my bachelorette party and everything we had planned for the next 3 months was now totally up in the air. But I mean at that point I was POSITIVE that by June 20 (my wedding day) things would be back to normal. I think the majority of people in the world believed things would be back to normal by then so to a certain degree we continued wedding planning but decided to hold off on any major purchases just in case.
And yes, people did call us out for traveling during a pandemic so we don’t need to rehash that situation. It was the very beginning and we had no way of knowing what it would become!
April 2020
April was this crazy and weird in-between month for us in which I honestly could not tell you a single thing that happened. Lockdowns were getting worse and when my family officially canceled our Greek Easter celebration I knew that this was serious. A huge portion of my family wouldn’t even leave their home. About 10 of us ended up quarantining together in my grandmas house because we at least all wanted to be together if we couldn’t go into public.
May 2020
May was hands down the hardest month for me. I knew that if we were going to have our big wedding then we needed to send out invitations by the second week of May. Which also means they needed to be ordered at the beginning of May. So all along I said that if Utah was still in lockdown on May 1 we would cancel our wedding. I said that a million times and yet I did not want to believe it was possible or accept it.
On May 6 we officially announced to our friends and family that we were canceling our originally planned wedding. If I am being 100% honest my heart breaks all over again typing that sentence. I could breakdown and cry anytime I think about it but luckily I have an amazing support system that has carried me through this time of giving up what should have been the best day of my life.
It seems silly to talk about grief over a wedding when the world we live in today has so much chaos and uncertainty. But one of the main reasons I am writing this post is so that people know it is OKAY to grieve all the things we have lost in this season. Kids are allowed to grieve not seeing their friends at school. Parents are allowed to grieve not knowing how to homeschool their children well. Expecting mothers are allowed to grieve missed ultrasounds because of the hospital protocols. And brides and grooms are allowed to grieve the loss of their originally planned weddings.
A couple of weeks after we announced that we were canceling our originally planned wedding we decided that we would move forward with a new plan for our wedding. Rather than postpone the whole thing we decided to still get married on June 20 with however many people we were allowed. We had no idea if that would be 10 people or 50 people or 100 people! But we knew for a fact it wouldn’t be the 400 we had originally sent save the dates to!
June 2020
As the days got closer we were calling up select members of our closest family and friends to see how they felt about the whole ordeal and ask if they would be willing to still attend our wedding if we were able to have them. We were fairly certain that Utah would be to the point where we could have a gathering of 50 people by then so that is about how many people we called to invite.
This is where things got tricky for me. I knew people would say no because they didn’t feel comfortable, but I had no idea that people would be so rude and horrible when I told them our plans. People were telling me what I should do and why I shouldn’t do things the way I was planning. They told me I was being selfish and irresponsible to have any sort of gathering. I had people tell me that I was a horrible person. That they could not believe I wasn’t taking this pandemic seriously. An actual quote from a friend was, “are you even considering the reality of the world right now?!” Now keep in mind this is the 50 people that we chose as the closest and most important to us in our lives. Do you know how hard it is to hear those words from people you love?
The hardest moment for me was exactly one week before my wedding day. One of my bridesmaids told me she didn’t feel comfortable attending my wedding. I chose my bridesmaids all because we have been best friends since we were kids and I couldn’t imagine not having them by my side. She was literally my best friend all through high school and we’ve stayed best friends since then. She is still one of my best friends but when she first told me that she wasn’t going to come it shattered me. Any hope that I had left for our wedding went away and it took my amazing husband to put enough pieces back together to get me to our wedding day.
Luckily, that was a select few of the group. An overwhelming majority of these people made us feel incredibly supported and loved. We had people that when we called said they still had flights and hotels booked because the just knew things would work out and they’d be at our wedding. We had family members who came despite concerns and they just sat away from everyone and wore a mask. Which is completely fine BECAUSE AT LEAST THEY CAME!!! We had friends call to say they just happened to be in the area and ask if they could still attend and heck yes we wanted everyone there that we possibly could!! We also had people that still sent cards and gifts and called and texted and just let us know that they would be there for us in whatever way possible. Honestly, we have a freaking amazing tribe.
Don’t get me wrong, it sucked having people tell us they disapproved of our decisions but I can’t hold onto that any longer. I also can’t be mad at these people just because they stood strongly in their beliefs even though I think they handled it poorly when talking to me about it. I forgive every single one of the people who said those things because we are all processing and handling this pandemic differently and that is okay.
And guess what y’all? WE GOT MARRIED! It was weird and perfect and considering the hell we went through to get here it was amazing. I felt more love in my heart that day than I knew was possible. I will forever be thankful for the people that supported us through this.
July 2020
You may be asking, why are we talking about July if your wedding was in June? Well, because my best friend’s wedding was in July. To be honest I finished this entire post and almost didn’t add this part in. But I feel like it is a huge part of my story so here I am, giving you the whole picture.
My best friend, Ashley, was my maid of honor. I was also her maid of honor 3 short weeks later at her wedding! Majority of this pandemic and wedding planning process we went through together. We cried together, laughed together, complained together, and read horrible text messages that people would send us together. I hands down would not have survived this without her. But also, her wedding was hard for me.
I haven’t told her this so if she is reading this, I love you Ash and could not be happier for you! But the truth is, her wedding still happened and mine did not. Her wedding was in Idaho which had lifted majority of lockdown and was in phase 4 of their reopening. There had been concerts and livestock shows and weddings in Idaho for about a month before her wedding so she was confident in having a 200 person wedding outdoors.
She also had less people traveling for her wedding. Majority of her and her husbands family and friends were local or at least within the state. And yes, she had some family who didn’t attend because they weren’t comfortable. And yes, she had people who live far away who were unable to travel. But you guys, she was able to have the wedding she had been planning!!! And oh my gosh I was so happy and proud and overjoyed to stand by her side and support her every step of the way. She is literally one of the most amazing women on the planet and deserves every ounce of happiness. I love her and I had the best time at her wedding.
But I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous, even if just for a moment. There were times throughout the day when it just hit me everything that I had missed out on. I know that this might make me a horrible friend or just plain selfish. I also know that she is going to still understand because she was with me every step of the way throughout this experience. I’ve cried tears of joy for her. Simultaneously, I’ve cried tears of frustration from thinking about the reception I didn’t get. I saw her friends and family come from all over and be together in the same place at the same time and I realize that we didn’t get that.
But you guys, as my maid of honor she did her best to make my small reception in my grandmother’s backyard the absolutely best time it could be! She was an angel at my wedding and I wouldn’t change anything that happened for the world. At the end of the day it just wasn’t what I had planned and dreamed of. I will always be slightly disappointed at that fact. But we chose to not postpone our wedding and we chose to make the best of what we had. And we did!
Now listen, I added this part in because it is important for people to realize that these were all real and wild emotions that were tangled into this whole story. I also included this part because I hope there are other brides out there who were able to still have their wedding! I want to hear all of your amazing stories! Yes, the planning process still sucked during the pandemic. However, if you were able to still pull it off in the end it was all worth it!
What I learned
I also have to accept that our wedding was perfect even though it wasn’t what we had planned. Sometimes things just don’t work out and that is okay. Sitting here a month removed from our wedding I can see that it taught me so many lessons. I guess to sum up this whole post I will leave you with the 7 lessons COVID-19 and wedding planning have taught me.
- In hard times people don’t know what to say. The best thing you can do is listen and don’t say anything at all. Just be there for the people you love.
- No matter what decisions you make there are going to be people who disagree and disapprove. Stand up for yourself and stand with what you feel is best for you. Also, let them do what is best for them.
- There is a big difference between taking a crisis seriously and putting your life on hold. We are cautious and safe but we felt like having a small wedding was okay too. It may not have been what others believe is best but it was the right decision for us. I stand by it.
- When you find people that truly love and support you unconditionally, hold on to those people with every single ounce of your being. We saw everyone’s true colors in this season and I know who will be in our life no matter what.
- And along with that, it is okay to let go of old friendships. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. People grow apart and that is okay. It is also okay to distance yourself from family that is unsupportive. Pour your effort into those that pour effort into you. Don’t waste energy just because you feel obligated to do so.
- As I mentioned before, it is okay to grieve small losses. I had to go through the 7 stages of grief before I could embrace our new plan for our wedding. I also had to grieve the loss of our honeymoon/Europe travels. It may seem frivolous to grieve a vacation but if you have been saving up for something and planning and looking forward to it, I promise you it is okay to grieve the loss of it.
- Finally, to quote one of my favorite influencers Ms. Rachel Hollis, “embrace the suck!” This pandemic, quarantine, global distress, recession, and everything else that is happening in 2020 freaking sucks. Planning my wedding during a pandemic freaking sucked. Having to give up the wedding day I’d been dreaming of and planning SUCKED!!! But here we are, still surviving, happily married, and my heart is honestly so full of love. Admitting that things suck is the best way to get to the other side of them. Don’t sugar coat it. Don’t make it seem better than it is. Just embrace the suck!
Well, I guess all I can say is that I hope this reaches at least one other person who was going through this process and needed to hear that they aren’t alone! And seriously, comment on this post or DM me on Instagram so that we can bond over having (or not having) a COVID wedding!
Hi my name is Mark. What a challenging yet amazing journey you had from engagement to planning the wedding to the wedding itself. Congratulations! These past few months are difficult but you made it through. Enjoy your married life!
Thanks so much! I appreciate your kind words, Mark.
Omg I’m sure this was a very stressful time. Congrats though!
Thank you so much!
This is definitely a time of grief and the mishandling of our emotions. You seem like such a rockstar through all you’ve encountered with your wedding plans.
Thank you! It has been a whirlwind of emotions but looking back I can see the silver linings!
First of all congrats. Thanks for sharing your story with us all x
Thank you!
Thanks so much for sharing your experiences! It certainly has been a strange time but you did it anyway! Massive congratulations to you! You look so happy and relaxed on your big day.
Thank you so much! It really was the perfect day considering everything.
My best friend is currently in the middle of wedding planning, and her wedding is in September. She went from having a big wedding to moving it to her parent’s backyard. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous to attend, but I plan to go and social distance as much as possible. My heart breaks for her because I know her original plans and what is planned now. And while I know its the best decision doesn’t mean it’s not hard to get there and accept what the plans are now. What I can say is if we social distance now properly, hopefully, everyone will stay healthy, and next year when she has a big anniversary party we can all get together and celebrate like we should’ve been doing this year. I know its not the same, but it’s hard to be in this situation and I can totally understand the grief that comes along with it.
Carissa recently posted…How to Calm Back to School Fears: A Parent’s Guide
Yes absolutely! It is such a hard decision to make and everyone needs to do what feels right to them! I hope your friends wedding day is still the best it can be and hopefully everyone can get to celebrate later on!